ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
