strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
