I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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