You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
