My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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