Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
