from now on my penis is your penis
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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