she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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