The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
