walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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