The maid of honor just puked.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize