Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
