Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
