so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
