I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
