Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
