this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
