Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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