Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize