it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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