i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
