Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
