I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
