Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
