Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
