Will you blow on my dice?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
