4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
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I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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