My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And then he peed in my hair
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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