He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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