Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
