EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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