I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
