The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
