...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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