Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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