went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
