Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
