There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
