I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
