U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
