there's paper in my vomit.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
