I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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