Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
