Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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