I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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