and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
