My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
