I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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