Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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