I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
