Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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