So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize