my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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