oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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