I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
