dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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