Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
