Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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