She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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