I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
