My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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