For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
