At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
