Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
