worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
