my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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