I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
