Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
