I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
