I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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