You just made me feel so damn special
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
