I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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