then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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