While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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