Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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