Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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