how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
