I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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